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I think I should be singing this at OLPS Christmas Pageant this year.
Spent ages trying to look for character appropriate songs too, this one turns out to be the best I guess..

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Give it a fighting chance will you and please just listen through it at least once?
Promise I don't post crappy music.


Who said I cant wear my converse with my dress
Well baby that's just me

Who said I can't be single, and have to go out and mingle
Well baby, that's just not me.

Nobody listens.
 

What's got me smiling you say?


Take a closer back view...



:D
My very first corset, and definitely not my last.

Thank you htennek for that wonderful night (although you were mostly gone), and for getting me that beautiful peice of garment.





And oh guys, update- I HAVE GOT A RAGDOLL KITTEN!
Pictures for that will have to come laaater (:

In the meantime, I'm still trying to get myself out of a lot of shit in school haha so til next time, let me know you're actually reading this?? Drop a comment will ya! Need to catch up with some of you out there really soon. Esp Annabelle, John, Frances, Chuts, Nat, Mark, all the J2 people struggling with A's, church people, and on and on the list goes...

Promise I'll reply. 

Btw, will be doing something for this year's christmas pageant again. Or rather, christmas choir concert? 
Thanks Sam Lee and Sam Seow for thinking of me.
Pleasure & honour-

I wish I could end my day fashionably and tastefully with something like:





LMAO.

Sorry, I couldn't resist!

I thought you were different.


Dear Diary,

It's been a long time. Hello.
I guess it's been a long time since I've been around-
Which means it's been a good time so far (at least endurable to say the least) and this time round my toes got stepped on again and now they're bleeding so bad I don't think they're gonna heal anytime soon.
It's more of a question of are we part of this huge circle of humanity or do we merely exist as individual beings in a planet we choose to call the Earth?
Is it really plausible to think that one person can make a big difference in mankind?
Or is that really a noble thought that most likely will never materialise?






In the burning heart just about to burst there's a quest of answers an unquenchable thirst.


XOXO

 And as you probably already know very well,

I hardly mean what I say.
I still love you.

"Maybe I'm starting to become more like you huh."

And you said it like it was the worst thing that could ever happen to you in the course of your life.

Well, perhaps you're right.

It's been approxmimately 7 weeks since my last post- now that must mean something. Guess I have been ignoring my private life a bit too much these days huh, too preoccupied with being 'wholesome' and 'package-worthy' to fulfil the expectations of some.
You know, give them what they want to see and hear.
These days it's getting harder to do just that, because people get so fickle and inconsisent that it just frustrates me the more I try.

Anyway, I guess now that I've reverted back to blogging and probably taking a hiatus from tweets, this must also mean that a part of my inner being is calling out for attention and it also means that the void I assumed to have disappeared is making a reappearance and is adamant on staying this time round. 

..Or perhaps now I just have things to share again with anonymous faceless people of the internet since I no longer have got my outlets of expression. 

No one wants to hear me talk =(   (or sing. or anything at all.)

I CANNOT WAIT FOR CHEER AND DANCE PRACTICES TO START SO THAT I CAN HAVE SOME FORM OF DISTRACTION EXPRESSION AGAIN.

My practical class tutor for Theatre Studies turns out to be one muthafu*king tough bitch. Okay, maybe she'll be softer as the semester progresses but I swear there is SOMETHING up with these theatre practitioners that I still cannot put my finger on. 
Perhaps an insecure childhood filled with traumatic parent-child relationships that ended up with them being thrown out upon highways and left to find an outlet of expression. 
Hmmmmmm


I am becoming brain-dead. Clarice needs a jolt right about now! Where can I find one of these things hmmm

Ending up all alone shall not be on my list of 'biggest fears in life'.



And oh, the beancurd & herbal tea I got for you just fell outta the refrigerator- I heard them.
Guess you should've had it earlier.

I think right now you should not be feeling very irritaed even though I bet a million dollars that you are.
Wheeeeha I hate your facebook statuses. 
I wanna live like a liberal 'broad-minded' European.

God, I hate you and I hate myself and I hate how you make me hate myself.

A lot has been said about how to prevent rape. Women should learn self-defense. Women should lock themselves in their houses after dark. Women shouldn't have long hair and women shouldn't wear short skirts. Women shouldn't leave drinks unattended. Fuck, they shouldn't dare to get drunk at all.

Instead of that bullshit, how about:

If a woman is drunk, don't rape her. If a woman is walking alone at night, don't rape her. If a women is drugged and unconscious, don't rape her. If a woman is wearing a short skirt, don't rape her. If a woman is jogging in a park at 5AM, don't rape her. If a woman looks like your ex-girlfriend you're still hung up on, don't rape her. If a woman is asleep in her bed, don't rape her. If a woman is asleep in your bed, don't rape her. If a woman is doing her laundry, don't rape her. If a woman is in a coma, don't rape her. If a woman changes her mind in the middle of or about a particular activity, don't rape her. If a woman has repeatedly refused a certain activity, don't rape her. If a woman is not yet a woman, but a child, don't rape her. If your girlfriend or wife is not in the mood, don't rape her. If your step-daughter is watching TV, don't rape her.

If you break into a house and find a woman there, don't rape her. If your friend thinks it's okay to rape someone, tell him it's not, and that he's not your friend. If your "friend" tells you he raped someone, report him to the police. If your frat-brother or another guy at the party tells you there's an unconscious woman upstairs and it's your turn, don't rape her, call the police and report him as a rapist.

Tell your sons, god-sons, nephews, grandsons, and sons of friends that it's not okay to rape someone.

Don't just tell your women friends how to be safe and avoid rape. Don't imply that she could have avoided it if she'd only done/not done x, y, or z. Don't imply that it's in any way her fault. Don't let silence imply agreement when someone tells you he "got some" with the drunk girl. Don't perpetuate a culture that tells you that you have no control over or responsibility for your actions. You can too help yourself. Rape is not about sex, it's about control and power, and what kind of power comes from taking advantage of others? No power anyone should ever desire.

If you agree, repost it. It's important.

(Taken off Natalie Tang.) 

'You have a need for other people to like and admire you, and yet you tend to be critical of yourself. While you have some personality weaknesses you are generally able to compensate for them. You have considerable unused capacity that you have not turned to your advantage. Disciplined and self-controlled on the outside, you tend to be worrisome and insecure on the inside. At times you have serious doubts as to whether you have made the right decision or done the right thing. You prefer a certain amount of change and variety and become dissatisfied when hemmed in by restrictions and limitations. You also pride yourself as an independent thinker; and do not accept others' statements without satisfactory proof. But you have found it unwise to be too frank in revealing yourself to others. At times you are extroverted, affable, and sociable, while at other times you are introverted, wary, and reserved. Some of your aspirations tend to be rather unrealistic.' 


Shoot me please.

And it's Wednesday tomorrow! ;D
Hello friendsssssss. It's time to dig up the dirt yo.

So I've realised I haven't been updating.

Been busy with rehearsals and all that jazzzzzz-

Today was the first day of Restless VI, hope everything's good and well and happy and Raj-y. If anyone managed to catch it, do leave me a comment!
Was supposed to perform with the rest of the alumni in the items but turns out my musical clashes directly with Restless and since the musical is a contracted/paid agreement, Restless had to give in. In the end I contributed by choreographing the Salsa piece with kenneth chua.

Oh oh oh.
I got my first cat scratch tonight. Bloody Bella kicked and gave me two red lines on my forearm when she struggled after I carried her and tried to place her somewhere else.
She'll never survive in kent ridge hall at this rate if all she wants to do is pounce on every moving thing - even if it meant walking on a thin parapet surface about ten storeys high. Do all cats really think they have 9 lives?
They sure act like they do. What self-confidence. (or utter stupidity?)

Besides that, I'm also going to be doing vocals for a performance at the AYG asian youth games. Turns out my very own juniors Nathan Hartono and Lian Kim Selby are actually the mascots soloists for the AYG theme song by iskandar ismail. Not trying to diss anyone here but....the theme song just reminds me of every other NDP thing iskandar's done throughout his career. What happened to his Jazz degree from Berkelee College?! 

now i am ready to go to bed and wake up to do a good show. haha.

People, if you have kids and you think they need a little (or a lot) of cheering up, bring them down to Alliance Francaise theatre which is situated at Sarkies Road, between Newton Circus and Balmoral Plaza in the direction of ACSB.

PLEASE CLICK THIS LINK OR OPEN A NEW TAB WITH IT (:

Kamsahamida!

 

www.sistic.com.sg/portal/dt

Okay, so all I have to do now is

Nothing.


But to wait-
and wait, doing nothing.

Grrraargh


Frustrating ain't it when the road to at least the next 5 years is deceptively well-paved and structured when really it merely is an illusion meant to confuse and fool.

Here's an update; got offers to Lasalle's BA (Hons) Musical Theatre & NUS Arts and Social Sciences
currently waiting for SMU to quickly hurry get up off your asses and start calling/sending out letters respond to my application.

I guess I should(?) be happy about the offers (according to Suiying) but erm, FASS wasn't my first choice but again according to SY, it shouldn't be a big surprise that I didn't get my first. :|
What an encouraging thought duncha' think.

Now besides that,
something worth being expectant over every night when I come home and morning when I wake:
My new adopted Persian, Grizabella!
Kenneth helped mostly with the naming (: and of course I love him too but haha now someone's got competition!
;D

K, do take care of yourself during this period and sorry for not being able to cheer you up physically, but I guess I'm here for you emotionally mentally spritually et cetera et cetera and of course I will catch you soon as long as you want to be caught.

God bless you and the family.

You'd think.

You'd think I'd be the happiest creature on earth tonight.
You'd think nothing in this world could take away what I already have.

i feel miserable and am in no mood to intellectualise what I feel right now- this is just what it is:
Abandonment multiplied infinitely.

I have not felt so absolutely alone in a very long time.

This is subtly strange and yet familiarity reeks in mocking memory of the past.
And I am supposed to sit here and ignore all-

Fine, that's how it shall be, and the vicious ring will surely repeat itself since we will never learn the lessons history presents.


Good day to one and all.

I pwn you, htennek! :D

But yea this is probably farr from accurate, these online test thingys.

It ain't too bad...yet.

So far things are looking good and I like this feeling of having given something my best.
Every ounce of energy.
Shiok as hell, seriously.

Haha okay so what if I may be a little masochistic? No pain, no gain okay kiddos!

Til then, ciaos. We'll see if tomorrow I'm still in any shape to update. (:

And yes, I love you. Who?
You, yes you.
Stop questioning me before I really change my mind. :P

You know that I can use somebody.


Just because a particular dear friend casually mentioned that I haven't been a faithful updater, I shall dedicate this one entry to that person. I don't believe anyone else really pays attention to the stuff that goes up around here so why do I even bother right?
I've said it before and I shall say it again-
Thoughts need to be stored just because I forget what I think about so easily, and I do believe that little things like these shape me to become the eventual creature/alien/person that I will turn out to be.

So you know, if I turn out real screwed up or smtg later on, I can at least look back and perhaps try to figure out which wire shortcircuited.
Besides, memories are meant to be shared. Don't you agree?

Surely people experience joy and a feeling of familiarity and comradeship when two people are able to reminisce or simply agree over a shared experience. I feel that that is really quite essential to a person's wellbeing and lifestyle. Imagine you have only yourself for company, and just yourself to share your thoughts with....Awfully dull, no? :/

Well, all's well ends well I guess.    ...I hope.
I shall end now, because I am pretty sure if I don't, I will be in shambles by tomorrow evening.
Lord please grant me strength and perserverance and lots of determination, and continue to do so for at least the next 3 weeks (if not more), Amen!

 

o apbr upi smf o jpqe upi vpmyomir grraomh yjod esu ypestfd zr! (:

It is almost 3 and I am still up.

A dear one asked me, so, what exactly do you do during the period just before you sleep?
My honest answer would be that my mind is so unpredictable and temperamental that everyday its processing time to go into hibernation mode varies drastically. Therefore, the mass of thoughts that would go through the brain (and spine?) really depends. But one thing for sure, I do like this 'me-time' that I've been getting nowadays.
It's hard to say why, because it can be misinterpreted as self-isolation and anti-social emo goth self indulgent behavior.

Perhaps it is fitting that the doubts and questions should come flooding in at this point. Right smack there caught among headlights between crossroads. Very fitting.
Or perhaps because an idle mind is the Devil's playground?
Of course something's been bothering me, I'm just not so sure if I'm supposed to feel bothered or if this is totally unecessary.
A phase of life you say?

So..........After all that has been done, all that time/effort/money/sweat/tears/everything sacrificed and invested,

I am back to square one.
One.


In the Beginning, there was chaos.
In the Beginning, no direction could be provided.
In the Beginning, you had no fucking clue what you wanted to do and where you wanted to go.

You still have no fucking clue what you want to do and where you want to go.


I guess you really have to be careful with what you wish for;
Girl yearned for time to come to a standstil-
Little did she know that time would pull a party prank and things would remain as they were.


Girl's plans = thwarted.